Today

Today did not start off very good. I wont go into details but Satan was at work trying to destroy what God had restored yesterday. I was so weak , especially in the morning. I however will not ...NOT....let him win! God is with me , Gos is near , when God is with me I have NO fear!

Girlfriends in God .....Marriage

How much of your marriage do you want Jesus to transform How much of your marriage have you given Him?
I want to give all of it to him, but unfortunetly not all of it is right now. My Marriage has recently taken some hard hits. My hubby and I constantly come home stressed from work and often times take it out on each other. We know that its not the right thing to do , however we often do it. I wish and pray that our faith keeps growing stonger each day so we can let go our worries and just let it all go to him. However we are human, we do fail at times and we let it just get to us. My husband is very very unhappy at his job and the situations they place him in. I am unhappy watching my husband change from this man that loved his work to dreading another day on. We are however thankful God has provided both of us with an income. Right now we are just having trouble seeing the cup half full. Often times we try to restore our honeymoon stage, and often times we fail. I know this is a season in our lifes and having two small children makes it even harder during these times.

How much of your attitude do you want Jesus to transform? How much of your attitude have you given Him? Oh goodness I need a transformation. Im bipolar when it comes to my faith. haha Sometimes Im full of it and other days not so much. I wish I had an on button I could just leave switched on at all times haha . I am however geting better at letting smaller things go.

How much of your _____situation_____ do you want Jesus to transform? (You fill in the blank.) How much have you given Him? The whole thing we are going through with the house, Brians Jib, Air force...etc. I guess Like I said , I have not fully given it over to him. Maybe it is time for me to let go , know his timing is always perfect, have faith . Enjoy the time here ...now... and worry about later, when later happens. Its easier said than done. But with the help of my christian family and friends I know I can one day FILL MY CUP TO THE BRIM!!

"Dear Lord, I pray that I will be like the servants who did exactly what you told them to do. My desire is to obey you fully...to the brim. Help me not to hold back anything but give You all of me so that you can transform me totally.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen. "

Faith

So its a new day and everything is still the same. We are still selling the house, we still have no idea what the future has in store for us, and we are still in Houston. Yesterday I tormented myself and logged on to HAR.com , the real estate website here in Houston and saw that competition is crazy!! There are houses going for like 90,000 dollars!!! I just pray to God that the house sells and we are able to get out soon. My husband is more unhappy every day that passes at his work. They keep pileing on the work and job sites are picking up. It breaks my heart to hear how horrible his day was. I wish I could just tell him to quit, but reality is he cant . We need to sell the house and move. I knew that buying the house 2 years ago was a mistake especially with his job moving us often...or so we thought it would....
I just wish I could go back to the day I got so excited and run away ...run as far away from those closing papers.

Ok on another note....Brody will be 1 next weekend!!! I cant believe how the time just flew by so fast~ I feel like just yesterday I was eating everything I could dip in ranch and waiting for the little guuy to get here. Last night he had a ruff night! He was not excited about sleeping at all. Well anyways thats pretty much all the update I have. Bye

OOOooood Moooorninn Hayden

OOOooood Mooornin is what I hear every time I walk into Haydens room now! I think it is by far the best way to start my day . I walk in he stands straight up , looks at me , with his crazy bed head hair , pops his Binky out of his mouth, and says it loud and with a smiling face. He is getting so talkative now days. Like this morning I was holding him like a baby like I always do and he looked at me and said "put me down mom". Ha ha ...Yeah Im not mama or mommy. Im mom. Ill take what I can get since in earlier stages we could not get him to say mama for anything haha. He is getting so big and he amazes me more everyday with things he knows that I have never showed him. He knows his numbers from 1-10 but he has Little trouble with seven. He knows allot of the alphabet, not in order , but he can recognize allot of the letters. You know for a little guy that didn't walk till 18 months he is catching up pretty fast.

Then there are also little things that remind me how small he still is ,like this morning he saw my vegetable oil bottle. He pointed to it so excitedly and asked me for corn. I explained to him that It was a picture of corn and not actual corn. Well that turned into about a half hour meltdown. So I packaged him up some steamable corn and sent it with him to the Nanny's haha.

That was my morning with Hayden.

I leave you with some of his favorites

Cartoon Character: Wow Wow Wubzy or Spongebob
He loves to wear: Footie Pajamas
He loves to : Brush his teeth!!!
Favorite Food: Spaghetti, French Fries and Chicken
Favorite Drink : Caprisun pouches

3 DAY WEEKEND

My weekend was kinda blah! haha My coworker asked me what I did this weekend. I told her nothing just lounged around the house, clean etc. She said that sometimes thats good, and I said yeah not when thats what you do every weekend!!!! haha

Its true we hardly have been able to do anything , due to a) budget and b) the cold weather. My head even hurts from staying in . Well it was also a pretty emotional weekend. One of my little brothers ended his relationship with his girlfriend. It brouhgt back old feeling I had not felt in awhile. I dont know but I get really attached to my brothers girlfriends. Probably becasue I have no sisters of my own. I was just so heartbroken to hear how sad she was. I guess in the back of my mind I figured I could fix it , But I couldnt. I cant really go into details but it got bad.

So I prayed with her, and hopefully everything will be okay now...plus I told her just cause they broke up does not mean we did haha.

Yesterday my nanny had me watch the boys cause she had a funeral to attend. Her daughter had a baby stillborn and she needed to attend. So that was the reason for my unexpected 3 day weekend. Dont have much to update. Have a good day!

Praise you in this storm

Today I woke up and it was storming. I hate driving in the rain. I felt so scared, driving with my hands at 10 and 2, 5 senses on, driving about 25 mph. It’s especially scary because for a large portion on the route from my home to the nanny’s there is no light. So with the rain pouring down you cant see anything in front of you. My main motive for driving so carefully is to get my children and me to our destination safely. There would be occasional potholes, or unexpected puddles of water, and my heart would jump every time I hit one. 1 hour later I sit at work, wet, but safe. My children are with Mrs. Guzman and my husband made it safely to work. We made it through the storm, even though the whole time we were right in the middle of it, I was scared to death.

You guys are probably thinking, BIG deal …people drive in the rain all the time. However it was during this drive that I figured life is a lot like driving in the rain. At least life for us at the moment. We right now are in the middle of the storm, the rain is pouring down and we are driving down a dimly lit road. However we can see headlights up ahead and we know that if we catch up to it we will be guided through the storm. The headlights are God and the solution to our dilemma. We see the solution and it’s not far from us, but we cant seem to catch up to it at the moment…

We know the storm wont last forever and one day the sky will clear and the sun will come out. As for today, we have our hands on 10 and 2 …we will focus on the headlights up ahead, even when i hit a few pot holes…. and we will wait for this storm to pass. All we want to do is get our children to the other side…..that’s it .

I dont know if this makes sense at all to you ...but to me it does at the moment = )

Not a happy blog!

Today I am just full of anxiety, for no reason at all. At least none that I know of at the moment. I feel anxious. Like my heart is fixing to jump out of my chest. You know the way you feel when you just drank an energy drink. On my way to work I heard the song they played at my grandfathers funeral. I felt chills overcome my body. It has almost been a year since he passed and very often I find myself in tears thinking about him. I miss him sooo much. Even though he was not my blood grandfather, he was the only grandparent I ever knew. I know he is watching me from up above though. I feel his presence often. He is my guardian angel…I just know it.

Now moving on to other things. The builder of our neighborhood sold off the empty lots to Centex. So now there are new build in our neighborhood in the low 100’s…I hope this does not affect our sale. But I don’t know anymore…I will just sit and wait what the Lord has planned.

My life is full of lots of questions right now. I actually can’t tell you where Ill be 2 months from now….2 weeks…..1 day …..That is such a hard feeling for me. I wish I could just run away form everything and hide. With my family with me of course but just away from all of it. I HATE Houston! I hate it!!! I love some of the people I have come to meet here…but I look back on the day we moved here…and how I wish I could go back and tell myself to just stay in Dallas. There are times I am strong about the whole situation….today I am not! I want out! I want a solution. I want everything to be okay again. I want all the stress to be gone. I want me and my husband to have not much to worry about but our babies and love for each other. I miss seeing my husband happy with his job, happy with himself…..happy with life! I miss the old family we use to be. I miss Dallas. I miss family…. I miss my mom, dad, brothers, I miss my in-laws, I miss my sister in law, I miss my niece and nephew, I miss going to church. I miss being able to just be me………………………..

I am so thankful for the life I have been given. Sometimes it’s okay to cry…today I cry!

I hate the fact that my babies call the nanny momma! I hate that on days that I cant take it ……I don’t have somebody I call a best friend that I can call and pour my heart out too…. I hate the fact that I’m pouting my heart out on blog that nobody is reading…I hate that my little brother is going through heartache and I cant fix it!

I hate the fact that I am not strong today …… I want to be a better Christian, Mother, Wife, and person…

I hate that I let this all get to me………………….

When will this season end Lord? I am waiting……….I will continue to wait…you are most powerful and almighty…There is a reason for all of this I am sure…

It’s a slow fade………………people never crumble in a day ……..