"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified: do not be discouraged, for the LORDyour God will be with you wherever you go. "- Joshua 1:9
Friday, January 22, 2010
Fear of the unknown
That's it!!! I have a name for the problem that has been haunting me my whole life! I fear not knowing what will happen to my family. I fear not knowing if my house will sell and when? I fear not knowing what path our life is suppose to take. Yesterday my husband dropped a bomb on me . One of those I'm thinking of doing this instead and its going to change our life's. He has done this several ...several times in the past.He always does it out of goodness and mot malice, so dont get the wrong impression of him. However one more just was enough to drive me crazy . I blog stalk a blog called Precious moments that I found while looking up information on a old high school friend. In her Blod entry yesterday she talked about the fear of the unknown. I had read this not even 5 minutes after my husband decided to tell me about his possible career change. ...OMG I thought to myself. That is exactly what I have . Fear of the Unknown. Ever since I was little my mom would say that I worried too much . I recall crying one time at the thought of one days my parents not being here. I was like 10 ! My mom was like whats wrong? I was like one day you will die and I will be sad? She laughed and was like "you are so crazy...that day is years and years away? If you cry now you wont have any tears to cry when the time comes." I really have always been a worry wart. I like stability, I like predictability, I like knowing what happens next or at least thinking I know. I mean I don't even like suspense movies or books. I often google the end just to fulfill my feeling of uneasiness when watching. Weird huh? but so true!!! If I could fix that about me I would be set . That is my biggest fear and now I have diagnosed it haha.
Last night I think what scared me was that I didn't know if it was Satan or God. I kept telling myself, ok this is God changing our paths to guide us to exactly what it is we need to do ...and then I would think to myself what if its Satan trying to mislead us from the path we have been taking. I just got myself worked up . But in the end I have came to the conclusion that God is a very powerful God and no amount of worrying on my end is going to change in the outcome. I Will pray for guidance and I shall receive.
I think the part that upset me the most was that this new path (as it was explained to me) left us relying on others help to get through it. And while Help is amazing ..I am soooo ready to stand on my own two feet. I brought these babies into the world because I was ready to take care of them. Not my mom not my neighbor...Me!! So I need to do whats best to provide for them. ...ok in Reality the thought living with my parents again scares the hibby jibbys out of me. That's just not for me. I can do it for a couple of months if asked of me....but oh gosh ...It will probably be one of the hardest times of my life. I am so used to doing everything for my own babies...and when people try to help , or throw me off my routine..or say their way is better after I have been doing it my way for so long....well lets just say that is very hard for me. But.....we will see...I'm sure my blog entries will be way more exciting and juicy once those days come haha..
And as for me being a weirdo about all the other stuff....well I guess that's just me.. = )
I am a 25 year old mother of two. I am married to my wonderful husband Brian McCullough. We have two precious little boys Hayden and Brody. I love God with all my heart and soul. I love anything and everything and everyone , or atleast try to! I am very involved in my church and would NOT have it any other way! I love my life!