Sorry

Ok so i have not written in here for awhile. I have just been so busy with work and well with work. Everything in life is about the same , No news since the last batch of good news we got about Brian's job. However can you please pray for him , He is having a very difficult time with his new supervisor that is NOT the easiest person to get along with . Just keep him in your prayers would ya? Ill try to update more often ...Ill let Hayden tell you all about his last few weeks tomorrow. So thats the update all is good .... = )

Words from the Brodster!

Okay so I have been walking for almost 2 weeks now! I'm unstoppable! I do loose my balance every now and then but for the most part you would think I'm a pro. My brother is trying to take all the attention off me right now. I don't understand why. I mean he gets to stay up later than me with mommy and daddy . Oh well. I cant help if I'm soooo cute! Not much has been going on this week. I went to the church nursery on Sunday and the teachers were amazed at how well behaved I am . I don't get into anything..I just walk around and look = ) . Well that's all for now..see y'all next week

Hayden Gets Real

Ok so I have had a really busy week . First Saturday afternoon Grammy and Pee-paw arrived!! I had so much fun playing with them. I took to them so fast. They were scared I was not going to remember them but I did! I love them sooo much . They are the bestest in the world. I was a little....and when I say a little i mean alot....grumpy. My mom calls it terrible 2's, I call it knowing what i want. I want cookies, cake and candy. While grammy was here I had just that! I wish she was here all the time. Im slowly getting back on schedule. Oh and Mommy and Daddy are letting me stay up later . I get to be up with them anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour after Brody goes to bed. I love it! I get to play with Daddy and Mommy with nobody to take my attention away. I take this time to show off my singing and dancing skills haha. Well Brobee is walking now and Im not too intrested in it. Maybe soon we can run around together .

Words from the Brodster!

Hey guys I have so much awesome news to catch you up on! So Grammy and Pee-paw were here this week and I had a blast! I have not seen them since I was 7 months old! I totally showed off for them by walking every chance I could get. Once I got going there was no stopping me! ha ha I love walking. Its my new favorite thing to do . I dont get scared at all. Ill be running in no time I'm sure!
Grammy and Pee-paw spent tons of time with us and I had so much fun! I love them sooo much! I cant wait to see them in a few months when we come up to visit!
Oh I also got a haircut! Allot shorter than what I'm used to , but mommy says I look so handsome! I got to go show off my haircut at the Children's museum! That's the funnest place in the whole world!!!!! I want to live there. Mommy says I cant but we will be going back some more through out the year!
Well guys I have to go now...Tita is making breakfast ...eggs..i love eggs = )

Wise words from Hayden Pants

Ok so its been a week since I was last on here so let me catch you up on what I have been doing this week.
Ive been beating up my brother! That's right last week I loved him, this week NOT so much. I just hate that he gets all the attention . Mommy has to carry , has to feed him, has to do EVERYTHING for him. Me however since I'm older they expect me to wait or to run around while he gets held. No..Ill show them I will push him , throw things at him and even slap him on the head. Mommy says its not nice and Daddy puts me in time out. I hate time out!!!! I wish Brody would go back where he came from. Maybe next week i will feel different.Daddy and Mommy however have been letting me stay p a little later with them so that means i get at least 40 minutes of quality time with them. They know this makes me feel special! I also changed Nanny's so that too may be making me a little upset. I miss my daycare friends, but Mommy says on Sundays I will still get to see my church friends. Before I know it Micheal from next door will be old enough for me to run around with = 0).

Lets see on a good note. I am learning all my body parts....from knees, back to butt. Yes daddy thought it would be funny to teach me where my butt is.Well Mommy says tomorrow Grammy and Grandpa are coming. I don't know tho....I keep telling her that picture of grandpa sure does look allot like daddy ...hmm..Well any who. I'm really excited and will be on here next week to tell you all about it . For now I have some apple jacks that are calling my name = )

I am full of heart's!!!

I am participating in this weeks I "heart"... at You and Me Plus Three. Go there now to add yours and read others!!

Ok so this week I have allot to heart!!! So here I go

1. I heart the quality time I get to spend with my husband.
2. I heart that I don't have to wake my children up and ungodly hours.
3. I heart my new nanny!
4. I heart that I am not so tired at the end of the day anymore.
5. I heart that Hilda and Aaron are having a BOY AND A GIRL!!!!
6. I heart my house....weird huh?
7. I heart the idea of my inlaws coming this weekend.
8. I heart Tanna and the challenge....
9. I heart life.....
10. I heart my God...for him...and not what he can do for me.
11. I heart you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby Names!

Ok so after talking about it over and over with my coworkers haha I have named my next two children....

Yes I am obsessed with children.If I could I would adopt every baby in America.

Ok so baby boy would be

Kiptyn Brian McCullough...yes after Kiptyn from the Bachelor, not in honor of him but the name sounded neat and it had a Y!!!

Baby girl would be

Kinsley Alaniz McCullough ...Alaniz is my mothers maiden name but i love that name it just sounds so neat ....

and if its a twin boy and girl we are set cause the names kinda match haha .

Ok I can sleep now...

haha

Words from the Brodster!

Hey guys! Its me the rounder one of mommys babies. I just wanted to let you guys what has been going in my life this last week.
I have been kinda cranky but I have two shiny new teeth to show for it all. Mommy says I will probably just start spitting out teeth since my gums are still very much swollen. Mommy said that when I have all my teeth I can eat more exciting foods like burgers and whole slices of pizza!
Mommy and Daddy set up my pool that I got last year. I didnt really like it much . My brother was splashing too much and it made me scared. Daddy said I was being prissy...but he forgets that I am only 15 months old. I cant even walk yet. But I must admit I am fairly sensitive haha.
I learned to climb up the couch and pretty much anything low enough for me to hop on . Mommy gets so scared when I get up there because I have not figured out how to get down yet. Daddy however is an excellent teacher and I almost have it down. I wanted to go head first but Da-Da..as i like to call him...told me i need to back up. Mommy often finds me on top of my brothers lego table. I like to hop on there and watch tv. I also learned that if I yell at the top of my lungs somebody will come get me down.
Last but not least, I have a new Nanny. I call her Tita...or will one day. She is as tall as me ..hehe ok maybe just a little taller . But she likes to sing and dance for me. She talks really loud when she is excited too. Im still not too sure about her but Im warming up to her.
Well guys thats it for this week...
BYE-BYE

Mothers day!

So this year was my third mothers day! It was pretty low key we did Alot but at the same time did nothing! I woke up at 7am (that's sleeping in for me) and started cleaning up the house right away . I cleaned and cleaned till it was time for church. After church we cleaned and cleaned and then picked up Chinese take out. After Chinese take out I told my husband I was going to go take a relaxing bath while him and the boys finished watching Alvin and the Chipmunks....So before I even get in Hayden hears the water running and thinks its bath time. So I plop him in, put on my bathing suit...plop in with him and 2 minutes later here comes Brody. Needless to say it was NOT the most relaxing bath in the world but it was fun! Daddy came in minutes later wondering where the boys went ha ha . After the bath it was back to the cleaning station .

Last night was the first night the new nanny stayed at or house! It was kinda exciting and also nerve wrecking. I felt so weird just getting up and going this morning. For ONCE I got to worry about myself and nobody else!!! It was kinda nice but I felt so out of it. I am so excited the boys are going to get to enjoy their house....their toys...their food...I love the idea of coming home to clean house too ha ha . It has been 29 months straight of me doing this on my own. With a handful of nights where i had a babysitter my husband and I hardly spend time outside the home by ourselves...I grocery shop with my kids, I go to the doctor with my kids, I take a walk with my kids. So i hope nobody judges this decision in our life. I feel it is a much needed break!!!! I don't have my mom , and aunt or even a friend around the corner to just drop my kids off while i run an errand. Its me...all me...and if Brian isn't around to help , you can forget anything getting done...I cook , I feed, I bathe, all on my own ..OK well 95% of the time...Not because my hubby does not want to , but I like to take that lead role in my children's life. It also however leaves me with like 10% energy for him and 0 for me.

I cant wait to see what this does to our life's!!!

Happy Mothers day ladies! I have to get back to work!

As told by Hayden Pants

OK so this is my first entry on my mommy's blog. I'm actually really excited about it . I am going to be here every Friday to let you know all about my week. Brody will be on here on Tuesdays, if you care to know what he is up to . My life is way more exciting however...but its up to you .

So this week has been pretty exciting. It has been in the 90's almost everyday so mommy and daddy have let me have some outside time. I love being outside! I really don't see the point of playing inside, there aren't even any bugs for me to collect in there. I love collecting Dandelions and blowing the seeds everywhere to help them grow all over the yard!

Mommy says she loves watching my relationship with my little brother grow. I have to admit he is growing on me. However I did hit him yesterday on the head with a book. His head is huge and it was tempting me. Mommy scolded me and I tried to tickle her to distract her from what I had done. I also learned to take my diaper off! It feels so liberating! I took it off twice last night and mommy awoke to find me bear bottomed in my crib. Luckily I had not had the need to go potty this morning .

OOOOOH OOOOH OOOOOOH I also learned to count to 6 in Spanish. I know 1-9 in English but this week I felt like trying Spanish out for a change. Watch out Dora! I'm coming after your job! Mommy took a video of it but has yet to share it with anybody.

Mothers day I Sunday , I'm too little to get my mom something but she says I don't need to . I'm all that she needs..Well me and Brobee...oh and Daddy.

OOOOOhhhhh how he loves us....

Ok so just when you look back in the sand and only see 1 set of footprints, God set me down for a break and two sets appeared again. Does that make sense? Probably not!!! But it does to me haha. Oh lord knows my husband and I have had a tough ....very tough week. I don't (cant) go into details about what happened earlier this week but it rattled my world. I was so upset....I am so upset, but i think my body and face are still numb form it all that it has not hit me yet...I think come 12/3/2010 it will hit hard......but any who...

Brian got the awesome news of a promotion yesterday!!!!! After waiting, waiting,, praying and praying for almost 2 years now....God is answering our prayers. Slowly but surely!!! If he had let us sell the house, we would be in Dallas right now, and the promotion would be out the window. My husband would be in the air force and i would be by myself left with both boys for half a year at a time. He knows what hes doing...so what am I so worried about. What was I so worried about. I have a plan for me...he has another. I'm sure his is much better!!!

Well Ill keep y'all up to date as i get any news...


oh ooh oooooooh I almost forgot . As on Monday May 10 2010......I WILL have a live in Nanny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh aren't things just going awesome now!!!yay!!!

The Lords Work

The Lords hands have been at work in my life lately. For those who don’t know update on the house. It did NOT sell. God has been closing the doors since day 1 but we did not listen. We first put the house for sale because Brian was going to go to the Air Force. We were told off the bat that the market was horrible and we would have to come to the table with 20 thousand dollars. Who has that kind of money laying around? Not us for sure, so we applied for a short sale. Months later after many phone calls, emails, faxes…we got approved around December. You would think our anguish would stop there but no, they were so hard to get a hold off so people kept pulling out their contracts. Not only that during this whole wait the Air Force passed new rules and Brian could not leave no longer. And Finally last week. A week before our deadline o sell we get told the only way to sell the house is if we have military leave papers. Well we don’t have to go to Military anymore so we have no such papers…so now we are off the marker.

If this had happened any earlier in the process I would be a mess. But luckily I have come to a place in my relationship with God were I accepted any outcome he threw my way. I cried for about 30 minutes, but then I was okay. He wants us to stay in Houston for a reason, while I may not know what that reason is yet. It’s coming. I can’t wait till it gets here either.

In the mean time he made me cross paths with a young lady that needs my help. I deeply feel God placed me in her path for a reason so I am going to pull for her with all my strength to hear that I somehow can help her. So please pray for me in a BIG way. That I can help this young lady.

Well that’s all folks…see y'all next time

Sigh ...of relief!!!

Ok so the decision has been made for us. We are staying in Houston and there really is no way around it . The bank denied all 3 of the offers and on top of that was making ridiculous excuses every time we called in on why we couldn't go forth with it. So as of yesterday our house was removed off the market and we get to stay!! God has been shutting all the doors since day one , we just didn't like that answer or wanted to hear it. However for some reason I feel at peace. At least I know where I am going to live tomorrow and the next day . I also know that I have a secure job and awesome people to rely on here at work and at home. I will get to watch Micheal grow up next door!! I am just so excited about future opportunities.....A BIG change might be coming our way too. I don't want to jinx it so Ill leave it at that . Yay!!!

The last song

So last night I went to the movies with a coworker/friend named Leilani. We call her Lulu because some people cant say her name and just make something up. Well we are both Mommy's and hardly ever get any girl time, so we picked the girliest movie out and watched it. It started off real slow and Miley's acting was horrible! I kept wanting her to plop on her Hannah Montana wig and start dancing , but she didn't. Well towards the last 30 minutes it was a sob fest. Her and I were crying so hard ,she had wet spots on her shirt when we left ha ha. It was nice to hang out with somebody other than my kids after working hours. Well bottom line is I would recommend the movie , but maybe only as a rental . Or on second thought having a big tub of popcorn covered in butter will make the first half go by faster, so its up to you.

Tonight we head to Dallas for Brody's First birthday party...2 months late ha ha . Ill keep y'all posted on how it goes.

PS ..nothing on the house....STILL

Growing up

So yesterday we showed Hayden how to dip his french fries in Ketchup and he totally loved it. Daddy was in charge of demonstrating , since i am afraid of condiments. He got the hang of it really quick and before i knew it he had gobbled his way through most of his food. I decided to give him a funnel cake stick to have for dessert....Note to self...take the ketchup of the plate before moving on to dessert. He also dipped that in ketchup ...EWWWWW. He liked it so i let him eat it haha. I gave him the dip for the funnel cake and he started dipping his fries in it ...haha . Brian told me to leave him alone , tat he didnt know better. Those two have become best friends.

Second sign that my baby is becoming a big boy. Today he walked himself to the nannys door. I usually take Brody out and carry him halfway where the nanny meets me and I go back for Hayden . But today I got him off first and he ran to the door. I rushed to get Brody out and met him at the door. He felt so accomplished , you could totally tell.

I was so proud of him ! I hope he keeps up this big boy attitude, but at the same time it is so sad. Now if we can just get him out of the crib......

Birthday

Brody's birthday party is FINALLLLLLLLLY here! It will be this Saturday at Chuck-E-Cheese. I'm kinda excited about that since its a guaranteed 2 hour party and you leave the mess behind! I love it! The forecast for rain has no effect on mood whatsoever too. Im thinking of finding indoor things to do every year! When I have the party at my house people tend to be hours late, they stay late and the mess is there till the next day. Not only that in my family it is tradition to bring anyone and everyone to any party you are invited to . Hopefully no extras come this time. Ill let you all know how it turns out!

sigh of relief

Kinda....

Conflict

"You guys look like a couple that never even fights" were the words my brothers girlfriend Trina said to me one day. While it is nice to appear that way , that is far from the truth. We fight just like everybody else. At this current time we might fight more than everyone else however. We have been dealing with stress for the past almost 2 years and it has finally gotten to us.
Last night we got into an argument that was never suppose to happen . Any outsider looking in will think are problems are so small and not even worth fighting for. That person is right. I have no real problem with my husband, and to my believe he has no real problem with me. What we do have is stress. Stress from work, life, selling the house, the future, our boys. We let this stress get to us and we take it out on the only person that is around.
You know how they say that you shouldn't fight in front of your kids, until now I thought mine being 1 and 2 were too young to know what was going on. Boy was I wrong. Yesterday in our home when we started raising our voices, little Hayden ran over to us yelling at the top of his lungs. Of course he was speaking Hayden so no real words were spoken but anger was in his voice and he was trying to get a point across. Mommy and Daddy you need to stop fighting!
My children are my worlds. ......My family is my world. I am so ready for this season in our life to be over and to start a new one. A happier one!
So we are looking for a new home church this weekend. Hopefully we can find one. We really do need to get back into going. Ill let you guys know how all this turns out.

Let's Pray
Father, thank You for the peace You bring to my life. I celebrate You as the Prince of Peace and Lord of Lords. Please help me to be a woman of peace. I pray that You will help me learn how to confront others in a way that pleases and honors You and restores others.

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

I heart Thursdays!

I am participating in this weeks I "heart"... at You and Me Plus Three. Go there now to add yours and read others!!

So this week has been pretty blah...But here are some things I heart this week.

1. I heart the way Brody runs away when he sees you coming, like he knows he is doing something wrong.

2. I heart the way Hayden refuses to have his diaper changed.

3. I heart American Idol....Andrew and Crystal to be exact.

4. I love my new budget friendly makeup...I will try to post reviews later...BYE BYE MAC...

5. I love sale racks!

6. I love Avoacados.

7 . I love Mexican Food.

HA hah see not that eventful....

Get Real Mondays

Ok so today I'm going to get real and vent about a situation that has happened twice in the past 2 weeks. So yesterday we (My husband and I) decided that we needed to get out of the house and just go somewhere. We knew it would need to be somewhere indoors since Spring came in at 40 degrees. Bass Pro shop just sounded fun to me . I knew there was fish tanks and animals for the kids to look at so we were going to head that way. My husband jumped in the shower, I had gotten myself ready during the kids earlier nap so I was ready to go. I proceeded with getting the oldest one changed, fed and ready. By the time I was done my husband had already got done getting ready. He told me to put the boys in the car that HE was ready to go . So I placed Hayden in the truck and put on his movie. I asked my husband to go outside with him because I am very much against leaving children in a running vehicle! So he left ....1 minute later I heard honking. I was like Ok he cant seriously be rushing me. I finished changing Brody and fixing up the diaper bag. At that time he opened the door and yelled at me to hurry ........Oh no no no no ha ha....at this point I was so upset because Not only did he get mad about having to be outside. He told me I should have common sense to get everything ready before leaving. COMMON SENSE? He had to shower , change and worry about himself and I had to take care of the rest of us. And I was being rushed. He had not helped me, offered to help and he was getting mad at me. He had done this the week before which made me even madder...Sorry for being so Real...but it made me so mad!......

He later apologized and said he was just so stressed from it being so windy . I explained that I had nothing to do with the weather and taking it out on me was not the way to go . So we kissed and made up and went to bed....Real enough for you? ha ha

I heart......

I am participating in this weeks I "heart"... at You and Me Plus Three. Go there now to add yours and read others!!

So often i find myself writting about the struggles of daily life. I wanted to participate in I heart Thursdays ...so here it goes

1. I love my two beautiful baby boys!
2. I love that my marraige is getting back on track!!!
3. I love that God is showing me that he has never left in so many ways!
4. I love that when I let my situation go to him , Things really did start turning around!!
5. I love Brodys 4 teeth and the way the show when he smiles.
6. I love Haydens dance moves and singing.
7. I love that my husband is so real.
8. I love my parents and brothers!
9. I love my coworkers for talking for me when my voice is gone!
10. I love how amazing my anniversary was.
11. I love the fact that Life looks so much brighter in the last week!
12. I love Pizza.
13. I love my inlaws and all the blessings they send our way!
14. I love my Aunt Renee
15. I love makeup
16. I love Target


ok thats enough for now.....

Update!

Well first today is my husband and 3 year wedding anniversary!!!!! We made it 3 years and counting! I am so lucky to be in love with the man I call my husband. We have our ups and downs but I would never trade him for anything in this world. Things are beginning to look brighter on the other side ..so of course the stress level has gone down ...so the marriage has gone up!!! Right now we are in progress of our selling our house. If all works out well we should be out by April 15!!! However this is not set in stone yet. SO PLEASE KEEP SENDING PRAYERS OUR WAY!!!

Get real ....again

Satan is trying to stir things up in my marriage AGAIN!!! We were doing so good. We are doing so good. I think all the stresses of life have my husband confused. But I will try my hardest to make him refall in love with me. To get us back to that place we use to be. I need to put my hurt aside and my big girl shoes on and fight for my marriage!!!! You will not win Satan …..Not today ….Not ever!!!!!!!!!

Get Real Monday!

This weekend was so so exhausting for me! I did so much and have nothing to show for it. If you walk into my house at this moment you would think I am the laziest person in the world. I have a upside down playroom , Laundry all over the place, dishes in the sink, and Lord knows what laying all over the house. Yesterday my children woke up on the wrong side of the crib! They cried and screamed about 90% of the day. And not the oh no I'm hurt ...or hungry ...or sleepy cry....It was the he took my toy, I want to watch Wow Wow Wubzy, I don't want nuggets I want cookies cry. My husband doze off for about 5 minutes before I woke him up with a slam of the door. He ran in to see whats the matter.I was on the floor. I told him that I needed to remove myself from the situation before giving them shaking baby syndrome...We sat and laughed about it for a second before going back into the madness. So even if I write about how amazing my children are, and you see me showering them with love! I need to get real and let you know that My kids are not always angels. They push my buttons the best way they know how. Today they woke up pretty happy and made my morning routine less stressful than yesterday (had to leave on a good note ha ha) So we will see what the rest of the week has in store for us.

Dear Heavenly Father, I will admit, sometimes I get so scared when the storms of life rock my boat. Thank You that You are in the boat with me, that You will never leave me and that You are always right by my side. That is what You promised. That is what I know to be true.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.


I have to admit that lately I have felt the presence of God in the boat with me through this still rocky ride. (And im not talking about the cruise haha ) You would say duh its easy for you to say that you just went on a vacation, things should be looking good. Nope. On our way back from the cruise we did our taxes, to find out we pretty much came out even . Then the accountant told me I had to adjust my exemptions ...so what does that mean? Readjust the budget..yet again. Then on our way home we got pulled over! Yup for going 48 in a 45!!!! Can you believe that. Not even a warning...we got an actual ticket! Calmly however we accepted these hits of life. I think going on the cruise and being away from the normal stresses of life really helped out a bunch! We found love we forgot we had. We realized that it wasnt us , because taking us out of our everyday life , everything changed. I pray to God that may marriage keeps going forward, our situation keeps going forward , and my faith stays strong.
Brian's company has a new general manager and things look promising . So please keep that in your prayers as well. The house is due to short sale before next month . Still no buyers so I will keep praying for that as well. I have faith tho....faith that whatever happens is for a reason. He has a plan.....I just dont know what it is yet. As for right now....I know he is in my boat !

Today

Today did not start off very good. I wont go into details but Satan was at work trying to destroy what God had restored yesterday. I was so weak , especially in the morning. I however will not ...NOT....let him win! God is with me , Gos is near , when God is with me I have NO fear!

Girlfriends in God .....Marriage

How much of your marriage do you want Jesus to transform How much of your marriage have you given Him?
I want to give all of it to him, but unfortunetly not all of it is right now. My Marriage has recently taken some hard hits. My hubby and I constantly come home stressed from work and often times take it out on each other. We know that its not the right thing to do , however we often do it. I wish and pray that our faith keeps growing stonger each day so we can let go our worries and just let it all go to him. However we are human, we do fail at times and we let it just get to us. My husband is very very unhappy at his job and the situations they place him in. I am unhappy watching my husband change from this man that loved his work to dreading another day on. We are however thankful God has provided both of us with an income. Right now we are just having trouble seeing the cup half full. Often times we try to restore our honeymoon stage, and often times we fail. I know this is a season in our lifes and having two small children makes it even harder during these times.

How much of your attitude do you want Jesus to transform? How much of your attitude have you given Him? Oh goodness I need a transformation. Im bipolar when it comes to my faith. haha Sometimes Im full of it and other days not so much. I wish I had an on button I could just leave switched on at all times haha . I am however geting better at letting smaller things go.

How much of your _____situation_____ do you want Jesus to transform? (You fill in the blank.) How much have you given Him? The whole thing we are going through with the house, Brians Jib, Air force...etc. I guess Like I said , I have not fully given it over to him. Maybe it is time for me to let go , know his timing is always perfect, have faith . Enjoy the time here ...now... and worry about later, when later happens. Its easier said than done. But with the help of my christian family and friends I know I can one day FILL MY CUP TO THE BRIM!!

"Dear Lord, I pray that I will be like the servants who did exactly what you told them to do. My desire is to obey you fully...to the brim. Help me not to hold back anything but give You all of me so that you can transform me totally.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen. "

Faith

So its a new day and everything is still the same. We are still selling the house, we still have no idea what the future has in store for us, and we are still in Houston. Yesterday I tormented myself and logged on to HAR.com , the real estate website here in Houston and saw that competition is crazy!! There are houses going for like 90,000 dollars!!! I just pray to God that the house sells and we are able to get out soon. My husband is more unhappy every day that passes at his work. They keep pileing on the work and job sites are picking up. It breaks my heart to hear how horrible his day was. I wish I could just tell him to quit, but reality is he cant . We need to sell the house and move. I knew that buying the house 2 years ago was a mistake especially with his job moving us often...or so we thought it would....
I just wish I could go back to the day I got so excited and run away ...run as far away from those closing papers.

Ok on another note....Brody will be 1 next weekend!!! I cant believe how the time just flew by so fast~ I feel like just yesterday I was eating everything I could dip in ranch and waiting for the little guuy to get here. Last night he had a ruff night! He was not excited about sleeping at all. Well anyways thats pretty much all the update I have. Bye

OOOooood Moooorninn Hayden

OOOooood Mooornin is what I hear every time I walk into Haydens room now! I think it is by far the best way to start my day . I walk in he stands straight up , looks at me , with his crazy bed head hair , pops his Binky out of his mouth, and says it loud and with a smiling face. He is getting so talkative now days. Like this morning I was holding him like a baby like I always do and he looked at me and said "put me down mom". Ha ha ...Yeah Im not mama or mommy. Im mom. Ill take what I can get since in earlier stages we could not get him to say mama for anything haha. He is getting so big and he amazes me more everyday with things he knows that I have never showed him. He knows his numbers from 1-10 but he has Little trouble with seven. He knows allot of the alphabet, not in order , but he can recognize allot of the letters. You know for a little guy that didn't walk till 18 months he is catching up pretty fast.

Then there are also little things that remind me how small he still is ,like this morning he saw my vegetable oil bottle. He pointed to it so excitedly and asked me for corn. I explained to him that It was a picture of corn and not actual corn. Well that turned into about a half hour meltdown. So I packaged him up some steamable corn and sent it with him to the Nanny's haha.

That was my morning with Hayden.

I leave you with some of his favorites

Cartoon Character: Wow Wow Wubzy or Spongebob
He loves to wear: Footie Pajamas
He loves to : Brush his teeth!!!
Favorite Food: Spaghetti, French Fries and Chicken
Favorite Drink : Caprisun pouches

3 DAY WEEKEND

My weekend was kinda blah! haha My coworker asked me what I did this weekend. I told her nothing just lounged around the house, clean etc. She said that sometimes thats good, and I said yeah not when thats what you do every weekend!!!! haha

Its true we hardly have been able to do anything , due to a) budget and b) the cold weather. My head even hurts from staying in . Well it was also a pretty emotional weekend. One of my little brothers ended his relationship with his girlfriend. It brouhgt back old feeling I had not felt in awhile. I dont know but I get really attached to my brothers girlfriends. Probably becasue I have no sisters of my own. I was just so heartbroken to hear how sad she was. I guess in the back of my mind I figured I could fix it , But I couldnt. I cant really go into details but it got bad.

So I prayed with her, and hopefully everything will be okay now...plus I told her just cause they broke up does not mean we did haha.

Yesterday my nanny had me watch the boys cause she had a funeral to attend. Her daughter had a baby stillborn and she needed to attend. So that was the reason for my unexpected 3 day weekend. Dont have much to update. Have a good day!

Praise you in this storm

Today I woke up and it was storming. I hate driving in the rain. I felt so scared, driving with my hands at 10 and 2, 5 senses on, driving about 25 mph. It’s especially scary because for a large portion on the route from my home to the nanny’s there is no light. So with the rain pouring down you cant see anything in front of you. My main motive for driving so carefully is to get my children and me to our destination safely. There would be occasional potholes, or unexpected puddles of water, and my heart would jump every time I hit one. 1 hour later I sit at work, wet, but safe. My children are with Mrs. Guzman and my husband made it safely to work. We made it through the storm, even though the whole time we were right in the middle of it, I was scared to death.

You guys are probably thinking, BIG deal …people drive in the rain all the time. However it was during this drive that I figured life is a lot like driving in the rain. At least life for us at the moment. We right now are in the middle of the storm, the rain is pouring down and we are driving down a dimly lit road. However we can see headlights up ahead and we know that if we catch up to it we will be guided through the storm. The headlights are God and the solution to our dilemma. We see the solution and it’s not far from us, but we cant seem to catch up to it at the moment…

We know the storm wont last forever and one day the sky will clear and the sun will come out. As for today, we have our hands on 10 and 2 …we will focus on the headlights up ahead, even when i hit a few pot holes…. and we will wait for this storm to pass. All we want to do is get our children to the other side…..that’s it .

I dont know if this makes sense at all to you ...but to me it does at the moment = )

Not a happy blog!

Today I am just full of anxiety, for no reason at all. At least none that I know of at the moment. I feel anxious. Like my heart is fixing to jump out of my chest. You know the way you feel when you just drank an energy drink. On my way to work I heard the song they played at my grandfathers funeral. I felt chills overcome my body. It has almost been a year since he passed and very often I find myself in tears thinking about him. I miss him sooo much. Even though he was not my blood grandfather, he was the only grandparent I ever knew. I know he is watching me from up above though. I feel his presence often. He is my guardian angel…I just know it.

Now moving on to other things. The builder of our neighborhood sold off the empty lots to Centex. So now there are new build in our neighborhood in the low 100’s…I hope this does not affect our sale. But I don’t know anymore…I will just sit and wait what the Lord has planned.

My life is full of lots of questions right now. I actually can’t tell you where Ill be 2 months from now….2 weeks…..1 day …..That is such a hard feeling for me. I wish I could just run away form everything and hide. With my family with me of course but just away from all of it. I HATE Houston! I hate it!!! I love some of the people I have come to meet here…but I look back on the day we moved here…and how I wish I could go back and tell myself to just stay in Dallas. There are times I am strong about the whole situation….today I am not! I want out! I want a solution. I want everything to be okay again. I want all the stress to be gone. I want me and my husband to have not much to worry about but our babies and love for each other. I miss seeing my husband happy with his job, happy with himself…..happy with life! I miss the old family we use to be. I miss Dallas. I miss family…. I miss my mom, dad, brothers, I miss my in-laws, I miss my sister in law, I miss my niece and nephew, I miss going to church. I miss being able to just be me………………………..

I am so thankful for the life I have been given. Sometimes it’s okay to cry…today I cry!

I hate the fact that my babies call the nanny momma! I hate that on days that I cant take it ……I don’t have somebody I call a best friend that I can call and pour my heart out too…. I hate the fact that I’m pouting my heart out on blog that nobody is reading…I hate that my little brother is going through heartache and I cant fix it!

I hate the fact that I am not strong today …… I want to be a better Christian, Mother, Wife, and person…

I hate that I let this all get to me………………….

When will this season end Lord? I am waiting……….I will continue to wait…you are most powerful and almighty…There is a reason for all of this I am sure…

It’s a slow fade………………people never crumble in a day ……..

Self Image

We live in a world where you have to look the best, be the thinnest, be the richest, and all around put together. I never really realized how caught up in all of this I was till yesterday. I went to the eye doctor for yet another follow up. When checking my Prescription after my trial Dr.Cook asked me " How attached are you to color?" I did not like this question at all!!! I was like very attached why? She stated that I would need a stronger Rx and I would not be able to get it in color. I found myself getting really upset! Was I really driving back to work crying because I will not be able to have blue eyes again? Blue eyes that God himself did not supply with but a company called Freshlook. I immediately called my husband. If anybody will be as upset as me it will for sure be Brian. I mean he has known me with blue eyes.... I can’t even imagine what he will think. He answered the phone and I told him. His answer was " You haven’t had blue eyes for a month.... I haven’t even noticed!" me: "So you are not upset?" him: "Umh No Why? Are you?"

That’s when I began to pull myself together. If he didn’t care why should I? My husband reassured me that I was beautiful and he liked my brown eyes. This brought me back to when I was younger. I begged and pleaded my parents for a nose job. I told my mom I hated my nose. It was ugly and it made me ugly! My parents had agreed that instead of my Quinceanera (sweet 15) I could get a rhinoplasty. I was jumping for joy!!! I could not believe it, I would finally be pretty!!! And then I watched Maury....haha ...yeah Maury! It was an episode of people obsessed with plastic surgery. Maury asked one of her guest if she even cared that she was hurting her mom’s feelings when saying she hated herself and the way she looked. This girl was the exact spitting image of her mother...and then ...tun tun tun. It hit me. This whole time I was yelling at my parents I was actually yelling, " I hate YOUR nose, your nose is ugly"! I was never so disgusted with myself.

Over the years I have learned to love myself for who I am .I have grown to be a pretty good person. I will give you the shirt off my back if i have to . My parents are the same way and Im sure I learned it from them. Sometimes I have drawbacks concerning my outside Image. It will be soemthing that I will struggle with for a little time to come. But I think I am learning to accept myself and look at myself through Gods eyes...We will see how long that lasts haha

Girl Time, Showings and Football!

The weekends started off pretty exciting for me. I got to go out to dinner with some girlfriends to a sushi bar in Clear Lake called Masa Sushi! Yum!! They know me and Stephanie there for sure. We usually share a plate called Maki Combination, so thats what they call us. They sit us down and say ok so you want the Maki Combination , replace Hati Ta#$%$^$ with a Volcano and Cajun with crunch ...right? RIGHT!!! And I willhave the house soup and she will have peanut dressing! haha Well we still did this friday night but this time Jen came with us! She is Steph's friend but I have met her a couple of times before. She is pregnant with her second girl...must be nice haha. I told her we can have a baby switching party and that way we can have one of each. I would miss my fat boys waaaaay to much tho!
I came home pretty early tho by 8:30 I was already on my way home. The weekend consisted of me running around like a maniac due to showings. Showings are a great thing dont get me worng. I would rather they let me know more than 20 minutes in advance. 2 out of the 3 showings , I had just made dinner so I was hidding dirty dishes once again! ugh!They seemed to have all showed up, so everybody cross your fingers and hope we got a catch!!!!
Other than that we did alot of nothing this weekend. I did alllllooooot of Laundry. Oh and we watched the Saints vs Vikings game! That was pretty exciting...well when I said we watched...Brian was on the couch watching it and I was watching makeup tutorials on my Iphone. I found this pretty cool makeup Guru that is so freakin awesome!!! I can say freakin right? Well its called Beauty Broadcast you should totally check it out!
Thats all for now ....See you tomorrow = )

OMG!!!

Im going to make this short...but I went to the chapel next door to pray . I had preciously wrote how I wanted to make it part of my mornig ritual and pray there every morning. And I am proud to announce that I have.....Well anyways as I kneeled down to pray . I flashed back to my prayer yesterday, My husband was having a bad day and I asked that God put some light on his day and just do anything to get him through it ...and it hit me like a ton of bricks....God sent this new idea to him. This new little glipse of hope that he could get out of this field into soemthing he would enjoy. Im sure my husband was delighted and excited while researching this new field...and I the dream chatterer....rained on his parade.

Ok so that was my OMG moment ... = )

Fear of the unknown

That's it!!! I have a name for the problem that has been haunting me my whole life! I fear not knowing what will happen to my family. I fear not knowing if my house will sell and when? I fear not knowing what path our life is suppose to take. Yesterday my husband dropped a bomb on me . One of those I'm thinking of doing this instead and its going to change our life's. He has done this several ...several times in the past.He always does it out of goodness and mot malice, so dont get the wrong impression of him. However one more just was enough to drive me crazy . I blog stalk a blog called Precious moments that I found while looking up information on a old high school friend. In her Blod entry yesterday she talked about the fear of the unknown. I had read this not even 5 minutes after my husband decided to tell me about his possible career change. ...OMG I thought to myself. That is exactly what I have . Fear of the Unknown. Ever since I was little my mom would say that I worried too much . I recall crying one time at the thought of one days my parents not being here. I was like 10 ! My mom was like whats wrong? I was like one day you will die and I will be sad? She laughed and was like "you are so crazy...that day is years and years away? If you cry now you wont have any tears to cry when the time comes."
I really have always been a worry wart. I like stability, I like predictability, I like knowing what happens next or at least thinking I know. I mean I don't even like suspense movies or books. I often google the end just to fulfill my feeling of uneasiness when watching. Weird huh? but so true!!! If I could fix that about me I would be set . That is my biggest fear and now I have diagnosed it haha.

Last night I think what scared me was that I didn't know if it was Satan or God. I kept telling myself, ok this is God changing our paths to guide us to exactly what it is we need to do ...and then I would think to myself what if its Satan trying to mislead us from the path we have been taking. I just got myself worked up . But in the end I have came to the conclusion that God is a very powerful God and no amount of worrying on my end is going to change in the outcome. I Will pray for guidance and I shall receive.

I think the part that upset me the most was that this new path (as it was explained to me) left us relying on others help to get through it. And while Help is amazing ..I am soooo ready to stand on my own two feet. I brought these babies into the world because I was ready to take care of them. Not my mom not my neighbor...Me!! So I need to do whats best to provide for them. ...ok in Reality the thought living with my parents again scares the hibby jibbys out of me. That's just not for me. I can do it for a couple of months if asked of me....but oh gosh ...It will probably be one of the hardest times of my life. I am so used to doing everything for my own babies...and when people try to help , or throw me off my routine..or say their way is better after I have been doing it my way for so long....well lets just say that is very hard for me. But.....we will see...I'm sure my blog entries will be way more exciting and juicy once those days come haha..


And as for me being a weirdo about all the other stuff....well I guess that's just me.. = )

Psalm 106:1 (NIV) "Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."

Okay so today's homework is for me to look back at 2009 and make a list of the five toughest trials I went through last year,and think about the results of each trial. Did God see me through it? Did I learn a new lesson or truth? Can I give God praise for some part of that trial?

Lets see the 5 things that stick out about last year. 1)My husband received a substantial pay and hour cut. 2)My house went on the market with no luck. 3) Brody missed the deadline for health insurance and had none all year. 4.)My grandfather passed away. 5.)My husband decided to join the Air Force.

Even know as I am writing these things an uneasy feeling overwhelms me. We are still very much affected by many of these. However we do have light at the end of the tunnel. It is 2010 and we are still here. That in itself is proof that God very much got us through it all. I know that many times I gave up. I threw in the towel. I focused on all the horrible things in life and not so much on all the positive. I remember in October, we finally got a contract on the house. All of a sudden I was filled with praise and joy for God . I was like I knew you would make it work ....I just knew it....and then not even a week later they pulled out of the contract. My dreams and hopes came crashing down and I blamed one person. I would look up and say why me? Why us? Never understanding he would work this out in his own time. His time was not my time and this made it really hard. I hated Ferguson (the company my husband works for) ...well when i say hated....that is past tense...I still hate it . ha ha Well hate is a strong word...lets just say if Ferguson was human and i saw it walking down the street I would kick it.

However God has been at worked in early 2010 it showed. Me got approved for a short sale after going through the long paperwork process..months and months..Brody got his Cigna card in the mail. Brian got some of his hours back, and in 35 days we will be on a cruise to Cozumel . Due to a wonderful blessing my family has sen our way !!!

I was such a non obedient child..I gave up on my faith at the times I needed it the most. I have learned that God no matter how many times I doubted him , turned my back ...He was busy at work. He is still busy at work and now my Grandpa Carl is busy helping him....

A new me...its so hard

So I told myself that this year I was going to be a new me...well a better me. Everybody has that one person that you just cant seem to get along with . Atleast I like to tell myself that to feel better. She is a nice person to an extent so Its very easy on some days to be that perfect Christian I want to be and other days....ugh!!!!...I just let her get under my skin. She is what I like to call a downer. She is constantly upset about something and we all know that misery loves company and before you know it Im in a horrible mood. I dont understand how one person can be so negative , all the time about everything and anything. I ask God for the strenght to pray for this individual every night. Sometimes I just dont feel like it tho. I know thats a horrible thing to say , but God is my witness ...I TRY ...I make conversation with her , I try befriending her , I try making her look at the bright side of things, but NOTHING ...works ....In the next second she is stresseda bout something and I hear about it ALL ..and now Im stressed....sigh....Ok ..thats enough ....bye

Haiti Update

Greg and his 2 companions (an orthopedic surgeon and an ER medic) are now at Sanford AFB outside of Orlando, FL via military transport out of Port-au-Prince. They should be in Houston later tonight. Unfortunately they were told there was nothing for them to do in Port-au-Prince and they should go home. It is so hard for me to believe they would turn away medical help!! Please continue to pray for the remaining team members, most of whom also left for Port-au-Prince and 4 who stayed in Jacmel. We have limited communication abillities with them and so are unsure of their plans. However, all Americans wanting out of Port-au-Prince will be given military transport to Florida. It appears that coordination of efforts to help in Haiti are extremely chaotic. The people of Haiti and those trying to assist them need your prayers!

Love Kim...Dr.B's wife

Prayer

Prayer is what i have been asking for, for many of my loved ones. First Dr.Bonnen and his team that went to Haiti and currently stuck there without a way back. We have several people still working very hard to find ways to get them off the island. The latest update is that they will get to port a prince by Blackhawk . They should be performing surgery today and tomorrow. However that leaves 12 people still in Jacmal with nowhere to really go. They are running out of fun and water and need to be out as soon as possible. Please continue to pray for their safety. I trust the Lord will take good care of them and bring them home safely , however that might be .

I will keep you guys updated as i get news.

On to more sad news , my nanny Mrs.Guzmans daughter was pregnant with her second child due in March of this year. However she went into labor on Saturday and had a still birth. I pray for understanding and strength for this family during such a hard time. They have not announced the funeral services due to the mom and dad being out of work and not being able to provide a funeral. They have to go through a lenghty process to get approval for some kind of Aide.

I will continue to pray for these families and anybody who is willing to join me ...the more the merrier...

I end this sad posting with pictures of my little angels. Brody's photo shoot for his birthday invitation.. and some random pictures i took yesterday

Chapel

Today I went to the chapel here at the hospital for the first time. I walk by it everyday and I wonder what it's like inside , but never once had i had the courage to go in . Today however it was different. I walked by and for once walked up to it and went inside. A feeling of calm and sadness both over came me. I have not been to church in a very long time. I LOVE church , but somehow have not made priority to go on Sundays. I plan to go every weekend and somehow always make excuses not to go . So I walked in and took a kneel . I did what I most often dont do and that is just give God praise. I find myself asking for things to happen , asking why me, and hardly ever thank you God. I mean i throw in the thank you for my childrens health another day of life, but never thorogly sat and thought about how truly blessed I am . Well I kneeled there and prayed for a good 15 minutes. I think I am going to do this more often, because It just got me going on my work day with a great God filled spirit.

On another note Dr.Bonnen is the surgeon I work for and he is now stuck in Haiti. He left yesterday and with so many flight plan changes he now does not have a way back . If anybody can help please do so . I dont even know what to do or how to feel. Please pray that all this works out !!!

Weekend Update

Not much went on this weekend, We sat at home , cleaned, ate home cooked meals , and watched TV. We were suppose to have a showing on Saturday morning, we stayed up late on friday night cleaning up and leaving the home spotless. I packed the kids up and went to go park the car at the recreation center across the street. I didnt see anybody turn into our street tho. When the boys and I returned home all the lights were on and the home looked like it was in the smae state it was left in when we left. They usually turn a light off, or leave a buisness card, but nope nothing was left.

Well I still have high hopes that the house will sell by May 1st.

On the other hand my mother in law started us off on a budget and oh man it is awesome. I made a chart that i update daily to let us know where we stand. I just love the idea and we should have done this alot...alot..sooner!!!!

Well like I said my weekend was pretty blah..so nothing to report. I tried doing Brodys 1 year photo shoot. I have to do it by the end of this month due to our snapfish giftcard expering then...Ill post some when I finnally remember to bring my camera to work !

There is a God!!!

Yesterday was a good day!!! A great day to be exact. We have had our house on the market due to my husband leaving for the air force (if that is God's will) and me going to join him when the time comes. It has been on the market for about 6 months now. The showings have been dyeing down so my realtor decided to take it off the market and just pop it back in a week later. Well not even ten minutes after doing so (putting it back) we got a showing for tomorrow!! Praise God!! So i spent most of my night cleaning the house and getting it ready for its date ha ha . I ask that you pray that this family is the perfect fit for our home.

Well the was a great start to a great day and then my husband called me to make me aware that they gave him his hours back at work!!! Praise God yet again! A few months back they had cut his pay from salary to hourly and then cut his hours....and now its mostly back ...Amen! Any little bit helps. He had been looking for a part time job and had been unsuccessful at his search .

So today I am just full of praise. On my way to work I started thinking how it was so easy to love God now that things are starting to go a little our way . I had found myself doubting many times during the rough time. I started off really strong in my faith during these hard times, and slowly and slowly it just faded. It got to the point were I would be praying and asking the Lord for renewed faith and during the same prayer my mind would be wondering if anybody was even listening to my prayer. No matter how little my faith got tho , I never ever stopped praying. "God you are either there listening to me or you are not" I would say " If you are ...GREAT ..and if you are not ...then what do i have to loose. The verdict is in however and HE WAS LISTENING.

No matter how bad things got, It was enough for us to handle. You know they say "God never throws anything at you that you cant handle". So far this also has happened to be true. No matter how bad a situation we felt was, we always got through it. Most of the time with the help and support of family and friends and yet again also strangers. This has just been a humbling experience . However this season in our life's is not over yet ...but the clouds have opened up a bit ...and a little sunshine is starting to come in . GOD IS GOOD!!!

I leave you with a picture of Brody eating spaghetti. I am one of those moms that don't mind messes...If a) It is helping them to be more independent b) I need them to stay occupied doing whatever they are doing so i can get the dishwasher loaded or laundry folded without little wondering hands c)They are having just pure fun



Brody learning to be a little independent...learning ....

A great BIG sigh!

This morning was the complete opposite of yesterday. I woke up to Brody wanting to play ...so I got him up and got him all ready for his day. He is getting attached to me , so that means where I go , he goes. He usually is pretty easy tho. Hayden however woke up on the right side of the crib this morning. I walked in and he smiled and said "vroom vroom" haha. Its this new thing he does where he makes car sounds any chance he gets haha. He brushed his teeth, changed and was placed in the car , all in under 15 minutes. When I say I place the babies in the car , I dont mean I walk outside place them in a vehicle and walk away to leave them unattended. I wake up warm up the car that is in the garage. When its time to place the boys in I turn the car off , shut the garage door and place them in ..you know so they dont get a cold drift. I know Im a bit psycho in ways , but for the most part Im a laid back mom.

I confirmed all our cruise plans with the nanny. She is going to allow us to not pay her for the 4 days . So that should put enough money in our pockets for gas to drive to Grand Prairie to drop the boys off. I am getting more excited as it gets closer. I think initally i was just in shock and didnt think it was such a good idea at this time. But like eveybody tells me " How often will a chance like this come up?"

I was not blessed with a sister but I was blessed with sisters in law!!! I am very very close to my brothers girlfriends. Its to the point that I call almost each one of them daily. On my way home I call my mom , Then Alex or Trina. I sometimes call Jill but not very often. She is a busy girl and is in 2 competition soccer teams and that takes up alot of her time. My husband has a sister as well. Im not as close to her as I would like to be, but we have a pretty good relationship. I remember when I was little I use to cry to my mom that she never gave me a sister.Well now 24 years later I have 4!!! and the best part is I never had to share! haha ...I heart my sisters!!!

Smile

This morning was such a stressful morning. My sweet little Hayden had a case of the terrible two's. He did not want to wear socks, he did not want to wear a jacket...and he needed the Iphone. My mornings usually consist of me waking up to Brody wanting his morning juice and cereal ...I wake up and feed him and place him in the playroom. He is still a baby and can be easily distracted. Then I wake Hayden up get him ready ...he screams ....I stay silent...he screams...I pack their food for daycare....I put them both in the car..I run in half do my hair...never do my makeup ....grab my purse and run out!!!

I was so mad at every single stay at home mom in the world this morning. I was thinking to myself that it was not fair that i had to do this every morning. While other moms just let their babies sleep in , have time to doll themselves up , fix up the house to their likeing (Im never fully satasfied with the cleanliness of my house). I was just so upset and frustrated with the fact that I have to do this every morning.

and then God worked his magic ...yet again


I got to work and as I was walking through the Hospital every single nurse and Doctor I walked by greeted me with a Smile, a hello , a good morning. I slowly got myself out of this crabby mood I had put myself in. A simple smile or warm gesture from a stranger made my day turn around. I finished walking through the hospital finding myself being the one to initiate the hellos, and smiles. I was just having a blast .What if these other people were having a bad day and I was the one to turn it around.

Dont get me wrong I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job. I love the people I work with . I Love waht I do . I Love the Dr I work under. It is great . I am just really emotional . So when soemthing gets me upset ..I get upset haha.

Well with that said I am still stressing about the cruise . I wish this was somehting we had planned with more time to save more money for suprises etc. Im starting to calm down a bit but not much haha. I think I am the only person in the world that stresses out about going on a cruise haha . Well Ill keep you updated!!!

Lifes wonderful surpirses

Yesterday was a pretty eventful day. It started off so stresful and ended up being one of the best days ever. When I got to work at 7 am I noticed my surgery board was full of exciting work for me to get done. As some as you might not know I work for a neurosurgeon and I am pretty much in charge of his surgery schedule and surgery patients. Every now and then Dr.Bonnen likes toplay what we call surgery switcharoo, when he come in and flips and flops patients around due to needing to add emergency cases...etc. When this happens it confuses all my Reps and Hospitals and i tend to get about 500 calls from different departments. This always makes my day fun.

Well in the middle of all this I get an Email from Trina ( My oldest brothers girlfrined) talking about their Cruise that they will be taking to Cozumel. I had known about this trip for about 2 weeks now. Last year they went on a cruise around the same time. She had been asking us to go with them ...Well origionaly it was to Hawaii...but regardless we could not realy afford such a trip during this iffy time in our lifes. I wrote her back and told her while this all sounded so great we would not be able to go .......and then a few moment s later....Lets just say we got a blessing from God ....and we ARE going to Cozumel in 6 weeks!!!!! I am excited and nervous beyond belief. My mom will watch the boys while we are on the trip so that part im not too worried about...maybe = ) ... But I was reading about all these hidden fees and what not, that you might get in cruises. I am more stressed than excited. I am like that tho. I hate surprises. I like knowing things way in advance to prepare for them and save up . I know its like " shut up you are going on a cruise" ...but i just wish it was under different circumstances . But Brian and I both needed this break!!!! We will finally get it ...woo to the hoo haha ! ..

Ill keep yall updated more and for sure post pictures when the time comes!

Its Okay!

This past weekend was really laid back. We did alot of nothing. I cleaned and cleaned, I even managed to unclutter the garage. I think I have to do that every month or so . I have to keep the closets pretty empty due to house showings so everything just ends up in a marked box in the garage.

Last night however was pretty rough . Brody woke up around 1 am and would not go back to sleep . He was crying at the top of his lung's. This is pretty normal for him , he is our little drama queen. The moment he wakes up you will hear him down the street I'm sure. Well I noticed he didn't want his bottle or his Binky. This is when my mama wheels started turning. He has to be teething. We gave him Motrin , held him, rocked him...but it wasn't till We started telling him that it was okay that he got quiet and finally went to sleep.

During these outbursts i tend to not say much , I hold, I rock , I hum but hardly do i ever say anything. My husband finds himself telling me constantly "Tell him something, talk to him". During these times I just like to be quiet tho. I guess its just me and my way of thinking. When I was a young child...well even now and anything was ever wrong, I was treated more like "suck it up" than "come here baby let me kiss your boo boo". You would think that would make me strong but instead i think it made me weaker....well maybe not weaker but definitely more emotional. I cried many nights in my room by myself without anybody ever knowing. I held a deep dark secret to myself from the age of 3 to 12 . I didnt know how to handle it and when I finally came out and told I dont think I got the reaction I expected. I cant even Imagine a little kid having to deal with such things , with nobody to help or listen , or explain to them what happened. I have gone through things in my life my family does not even know about. Even know in life, I tend to keep my problems to myself instead of sharing it with my family. If I do share , I get the " Well I went through worse speech" which is fine to try to give me a sense of reality , but maybe not at the moment Im calling you to tell you want im going through. Most of the time I just need somebody to listen.My husband has been very helpful at getting me over some stuff. Maybe later I can share what my secret was. Im actually pretty open about it , I just dont feel like going into detail today ..especially when its down on paper for me to look at.Well anyways I guess that brings me back to last night with Brody . Maybe Im just afraid of saying the wrong thing, hurting their feelings, Maybe I feel that like me that need somebody to nurture you .

I guess I wont know till they are older , Until then I guess Ill keep holding them, kissing them , rocking them , and when Brian reminds me Ill say "Its Okay". I leave you with a picture my dada took of Hayden and he just sent me ...He was at the park with pampa...thats what he calls him ...

Baby its cold outside!

So today it is 25 degrees outside with a high of 33. Not exactly my favorite kind of weather. I called in this morning and get approved, but yet again I am sitting here at work. I do that more often than not. I call in and say I'm not coming , than i sit at home ant think about everything sitting on my desk and i freak out just thinking about it multiplying as i sit at home. Well I bundled up my kids Christmas story style and took them to the nanny's.

On our way there I stopped at McDonalds to get Hayden a hash brown for being such a good helper this morning. He calls it "cheese" short for chuck-e-cheese. He ate the whole thing before we got to the Nanny's 5 minutes away. As you can tell my life is not all that exciting if I blog about my son eating a hash brown. Brody still cant properly eat one but I cant wait till he can . I feel like he knows whats going on and feels left out ha ha.

We still have not sold the house. We will keep you guys updated

Trust

So this is my first post to my new Blog. I have started one before but never kept up with it due to time. Not that I have more time now, But I have more of a reason of wanting to start one. Im hopeing that once Brian leaves for the Air Force (if that is Gods will) he can look back and read about all our little life adventours , our life boredom haha.

I named this blog trust due to he lack of towards my nanny. Yesterday when Brian picked up Hayden and Brody from the Mrs.G's he noticed Haydens lip was busted . The nannys daughter stated that he fell off the dinning table. She stated that Mrs.G had placed him on the table and when she turned around he fell and hit the tile face first. Why would she put him on the table? I asked myself. ...Well thankfully he is okay . His lip is swollen and dark red but he will make it = ) .

Well this morning when I talked to Mrs. G she changed the story on me . She stated that Brian must have misunderstood but Hayden fell off his rocking chair and hit the floor. Sounds like to me she stayed up all night thinking of how to change it so it wouldnt be her fault.

I know kids get hurt , these things happen....but people dont leave 2 year olds on top of dinning tables , I would think .

Well Im fixing to go home and check on my baby. I cant wait to be home taking care of my own children..if that day ever comes.