"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified: do not be discouraged, for the LORDyour God will be with you wherever you go. " - Joshua 1:9

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Self Image

We live in a world where you have to look the best, be the thinnest, be the richest, and all around put together. I never really realized how caught up in all of this I was till yesterday. I went to the eye doctor for yet another follow up. When checking my Prescription after my trial Dr.Cook asked me " How attached are you to color?" I did not like this question at all!!! I was like very attached why? She stated that I would need a stronger Rx and I would not be able to get it in color. I found myself getting really upset! Was I really driving back to work crying because I will not be able to have blue eyes again? Blue eyes that God himself did not supply with but a company called Freshlook. I immediately called my husband. If anybody will be as upset as me it will for sure be Brian. I mean he has known me with blue eyes.... I can’t even imagine what he will think. He answered the phone and I told him. His answer was " You haven’t had blue eyes for a month.... I haven’t even noticed!" me: "So you are not upset?" him: "Umh No Why? Are you?"

That’s when I began to pull myself together. If he didn’t care why should I? My husband reassured me that I was beautiful and he liked my brown eyes. This brought me back to when I was younger. I begged and pleaded my parents for a nose job. I told my mom I hated my nose. It was ugly and it made me ugly! My parents had agreed that instead of my Quinceanera (sweet 15) I could get a rhinoplasty. I was jumping for joy!!! I could not believe it, I would finally be pretty!!! And then I watched Maury....haha ...yeah Maury! It was an episode of people obsessed with plastic surgery. Maury asked one of her guest if she even cared that she was hurting her mom’s feelings when saying she hated herself and the way she looked. This girl was the exact spitting image of her mother...and then ...tun tun tun. It hit me. This whole time I was yelling at my parents I was actually yelling, " I hate YOUR nose, your nose is ugly"! I was never so disgusted with myself.

Over the years I have learned to love myself for who I am .I have grown to be a pretty good person. I will give you the shirt off my back if i have to . My parents are the same way and Im sure I learned it from them. Sometimes I have drawbacks concerning my outside Image. It will be soemthing that I will struggle with for a little time to come. But I think I am learning to accept myself and look at myself through Gods eyes...We will see how long that lasts haha

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